Unlike my previous rant about lesbians, masturbation and corporate rhetoric, this is a slightly more controlled and less hostile rant. Nonetheless still entertaining I hope, but something a little more substantial to ponder….or not.
“Domestic Retards”
This train of thought is dedicated to those of us who are single. Married people—and I’m talking to you, feel free to read on as there will be no marriage bashing or domestic sarcasm (I don’t think), but rather a philosophical wax, if you will, for the single kids. Here’s my take on the quandary we call “single hood”…we are conditioned from birth to believe that when we grow up we should get married and have a family.
We do this why? Because it is what our parents did and it is what they have taught us to do—a shared belief that we will quantify and define ourselves through the ritual of marriage under God with kids. We are programmed to believe that we will be more productive, functional and achieve greater wisdom through this right of passage. Without it, we are nothing more then social outcasts, black sheep, and lonely only to be pitied or nurtured. Married couples and parents alike consider us “lost”.
Now I can deal with all that crap, but what I can’t deal with is the condescending tone that we, as single people have to choke down from our domestic comrades and accept their opinion that we know nothing about or can not appreciate marriage or parenthood without this experience. As if we have suddenly become domestic retards. Why? Because we have not met anyone yet, done the marriage thing, and spent a “big” day at Bed, Bath and Beyond and Home Depot (time permitting).
I feel that this is nothing more then social and parental conditioning inflicted on us to desire the same destination for our lives as they did for theirs. A misconception brilliantly constructed to wrangle us “singles” into the relationship world, so they (married folks) don’t have to be alone. Kind of ironical.
“Single Hood” or Hoodwinked?
I could go off into a whole single/married comparison thing taking cheap shots at married folks and what not, but that is not what this is about. This is about asking ourselves (single people) this question…Single hood or hoodwinked? I should have prefaced this question by setting up the scenario or state of mind by which we consider the idea of “single hood”, which is in the context that it has a negative connotation. That those of us who engage in “single hood” (like unprotected sex, which happens from time to time) that we are of the minority or the unfulfilled or undesirable. Furthermore we do not exist in the land of the young, the beautiful and the free, but instead lurk down in the trenches among our own where love is a battlefield.
So let’s just say for argument’s sake that we buy into this crap that married life is great and better then single life and we are nothing without it—just what our parents and married friends want us to believe. So we embark on our journey to self actualize and self epitomize who we are. A painful and boring process I think, but one that is none the less necessary when looking in the mirror and determining who we are. Are we skinny, fat, hairy, short, tall, muscular, light skinned, light eyes? Do make over 50k, enjoy walks on the beach or consider tattoos a turn off? All in preparation to fill out our match.com profile. Question after question after fucking question until we are exhausted and confused about our answers and have been virtually through cyber technology beaten into submission with the questioning so much that we just want to get it over and done with. So, as a final step and to end the pain, we pull out our credit card and pay the $12.99 for six months (because it’s cheaper then the one month membership) all the time reasoning in our heads that this is an effective and valid medium by which we can actually pursue and meet other single folks. We ARE domestic retards.
So what we’ve done in essence is open ourselves up to the self-doubt and lonely ideology inflicted on us by our domestic peers, which leads deeper into the world of anxiety…and there we lay, naked and confused and vulnerable. So we succumb to that burning, motorized feeling of anxiety and allow ourselves to get caught up in “waiting” to get married while still engaged to single hood. Otherwise known as the “time” that hovers over us like a funnel cloud where we contemplate our physical appeal and talents or lack there of to the opposite sex. Being human AND single, we naturally and instinctively project inward and turn on ourselves asking the question “What’s wrong with me?” We literally begin to spiral downward right into a life we now consider as bad. We wonder to ourselves, how did we arrive here? How did this happen? And once again begin with the fucking questions now only motivated by our own desire to determine not only who are we, but how we got here. Single people, I hope you’re laughing, because this IS meant to be funny and if you’re not…seek medical attention immediately.
So I ask myself again, why? Why would we or should we feel bad because we are single? Are we morons? Yes, we are and here’s why.
"Blotto "
So last night I went to see Blotto at a bar in West Chicago, great show, good kids, good vibe, couple of drinks and then some water to prepare for the safe drive home to my friends house where I crash. I wake up with a slight headache, pop two Advil and stop at Starbucks for a grande latte on the way home. I walk into a quite, peaceful and inviting apartment. There’s a slight overcast, but still some sun peeking through the clouds. I step out on the patio for a smoke and savory sips from my latte. I stretch out, take off my shoes, flip on my computer, turn on my speakers and listen to Phish stream. I begin to look over my check book calmly and without interruption, I balance it to the cent, and prepare my tax papers for my return. I have a couple of more smokes and realize that it is only noon and I still have the entire day to do whatever I want.
I open a can of Campbells chunky with the convenient pop top and feast on a variety of ingredients that encompass all of the major food groups. Fast, hot and ready to serve. My diet literally consists of that of a 9 year old—chicken nuggets, easy mac and soup; ketchup is the only condiment of choice. I live on the first floor for the single purpose of not having walk up and down stairs to walk the dog. I am the laziest pet own ever and I can afford to take all of these little short cuts in my life because it’s just me. I have one job and that is taking care of my self. Make sure I eat, sleep, put gas in my car, go to work, pay bills, have enough smokes, ensure my DSL and cable are working properly and treat myself to an occasional shopping bender when possible. I think it’s fair to assume that even married people reflect once in awhile and remember how satisfying single life was for them.
I love my apartment, my independence, my entire bed to myself except for having to share it with Jake, which I love because he’s soft and warm and only weighs 15 lbs. The life that I have carved out for myself and my dog is the only life I can image living right now. No pressing social, spousal or partner events to attend, no grocery shopping, home maintenance or family obligations…don’t have to take the kids anywhere or contend with anything that can induce stress, senseless spending, time management or rushing and I still have the entire rest of the day all to myself. Inspired by this experience I begin to write and here I am.
“Definitely Hoodwinked!”
Single hood is totally under rated. Answer to the question proposed earlier is, in my opinion, “hoodwinked”! We, as single people, for some retarded reason do not appreciate the glorious schedule we have arranged for ourselves in our lives. We just don’t celebrate it enough, if at all! And we should! My life summed up in three words—rent, lease, cellular. Draw whatever conclusions you will about those words, but frankly I don’t care that I’m not building equity in my property or getting tax breaks because I rent. I don’t care that I lease a car because I can afford to lease a nicer car then buy one out right. I don’t have a LAN line with an answering machine attached to it because I don’t want to be endlessly solicited by credit card companies or retired civil servants looking for donations. I have designed my life to be mobile, transferable, unencumbered in this way. I appreciate the unknown of what’s to come in the next few days or weeks because I have no agenda, no schedule and no responsibilities other then the ones I have to myself.
Now, I’m not saying that I don’t desire the domestic life, I do, but I just don’t see the necessity in subscribing to the idea that single life sucks. Indeed there are some single folks out there that do not desire the relationship world, but in a bar at the end of the night who is left standing? The unmarried, the divorced and the segment of our beloved demographic who want to get married. I don’t know the statistics on this one, but as a general rule, the fewest left standing are the married couples. A) Because they are too wasted to stand or B) Because they have left early to get something to eat. You know, pulling an all nighter at the bar is just not necessary for them anymore because they are not looking. They can stay home, watch a movie, have sex and go to bed.
We know this because we’ve all been there. We, as singles, have wandered out of our habitat and engaged in couplehood and we know that it can be satisfying, but just the same have its’ drawbacks too. Let’s face it, if couplehood was all that it is cracked up to be, we would still be there.
“Domestic Retards”
This train of thought is dedicated to those of us who are single. Married people—and I’m talking to you, feel free to read on as there will be no marriage bashing or domestic sarcasm (I don’t think), but rather a philosophical wax, if you will, for the single kids. Here’s my take on the quandary we call “single hood”…we are conditioned from birth to believe that when we grow up we should get married and have a family.
We do this why? Because it is what our parents did and it is what they have taught us to do—a shared belief that we will quantify and define ourselves through the ritual of marriage under God with kids. We are programmed to believe that we will be more productive, functional and achieve greater wisdom through this right of passage. Without it, we are nothing more then social outcasts, black sheep, and lonely only to be pitied or nurtured. Married couples and parents alike consider us “lost”.
Now I can deal with all that crap, but what I can’t deal with is the condescending tone that we, as single people have to choke down from our domestic comrades and accept their opinion that we know nothing about or can not appreciate marriage or parenthood without this experience. As if we have suddenly become domestic retards. Why? Because we have not met anyone yet, done the marriage thing, and spent a “big” day at Bed, Bath and Beyond and Home Depot (time permitting).
I feel that this is nothing more then social and parental conditioning inflicted on us to desire the same destination for our lives as they did for theirs. A misconception brilliantly constructed to wrangle us “singles” into the relationship world, so they (married folks) don’t have to be alone. Kind of ironical.
“Single Hood” or Hoodwinked?
I could go off into a whole single/married comparison thing taking cheap shots at married folks and what not, but that is not what this is about. This is about asking ourselves (single people) this question…Single hood or hoodwinked? I should have prefaced this question by setting up the scenario or state of mind by which we consider the idea of “single hood”, which is in the context that it has a negative connotation. That those of us who engage in “single hood” (like unprotected sex, which happens from time to time) that we are of the minority or the unfulfilled or undesirable. Furthermore we do not exist in the land of the young, the beautiful and the free, but instead lurk down in the trenches among our own where love is a battlefield.
So let’s just say for argument’s sake that we buy into this crap that married life is great and better then single life and we are nothing without it—just what our parents and married friends want us to believe. So we embark on our journey to self actualize and self epitomize who we are. A painful and boring process I think, but one that is none the less necessary when looking in the mirror and determining who we are. Are we skinny, fat, hairy, short, tall, muscular, light skinned, light eyes? Do make over 50k, enjoy walks on the beach or consider tattoos a turn off? All in preparation to fill out our match.com profile. Question after question after fucking question until we are exhausted and confused about our answers and have been virtually through cyber technology beaten into submission with the questioning so much that we just want to get it over and done with. So, as a final step and to end the pain, we pull out our credit card and pay the $12.99 for six months (because it’s cheaper then the one month membership) all the time reasoning in our heads that this is an effective and valid medium by which we can actually pursue and meet other single folks. We ARE domestic retards.
So what we’ve done in essence is open ourselves up to the self-doubt and lonely ideology inflicted on us by our domestic peers, which leads deeper into the world of anxiety…and there we lay, naked and confused and vulnerable. So we succumb to that burning, motorized feeling of anxiety and allow ourselves to get caught up in “waiting” to get married while still engaged to single hood. Otherwise known as the “time” that hovers over us like a funnel cloud where we contemplate our physical appeal and talents or lack there of to the opposite sex. Being human AND single, we naturally and instinctively project inward and turn on ourselves asking the question “What’s wrong with me?” We literally begin to spiral downward right into a life we now consider as bad. We wonder to ourselves, how did we arrive here? How did this happen? And once again begin with the fucking questions now only motivated by our own desire to determine not only who are we, but how we got here. Single people, I hope you’re laughing, because this IS meant to be funny and if you’re not…seek medical attention immediately.
So I ask myself again, why? Why would we or should we feel bad because we are single? Are we morons? Yes, we are and here’s why.
"Blotto "
So last night I went to see Blotto at a bar in West Chicago, great show, good kids, good vibe, couple of drinks and then some water to prepare for the safe drive home to my friends house where I crash. I wake up with a slight headache, pop two Advil and stop at Starbucks for a grande latte on the way home. I walk into a quite, peaceful and inviting apartment. There’s a slight overcast, but still some sun peeking through the clouds. I step out on the patio for a smoke and savory sips from my latte. I stretch out, take off my shoes, flip on my computer, turn on my speakers and listen to Phish stream. I begin to look over my check book calmly and without interruption, I balance it to the cent, and prepare my tax papers for my return. I have a couple of more smokes and realize that it is only noon and I still have the entire day to do whatever I want.
I open a can of Campbells chunky with the convenient pop top and feast on a variety of ingredients that encompass all of the major food groups. Fast, hot and ready to serve. My diet literally consists of that of a 9 year old—chicken nuggets, easy mac and soup; ketchup is the only condiment of choice. I live on the first floor for the single purpose of not having walk up and down stairs to walk the dog. I am the laziest pet own ever and I can afford to take all of these little short cuts in my life because it’s just me. I have one job and that is taking care of my self. Make sure I eat, sleep, put gas in my car, go to work, pay bills, have enough smokes, ensure my DSL and cable are working properly and treat myself to an occasional shopping bender when possible. I think it’s fair to assume that even married people reflect once in awhile and remember how satisfying single life was for them.
I love my apartment, my independence, my entire bed to myself except for having to share it with Jake, which I love because he’s soft and warm and only weighs 15 lbs. The life that I have carved out for myself and my dog is the only life I can image living right now. No pressing social, spousal or partner events to attend, no grocery shopping, home maintenance or family obligations…don’t have to take the kids anywhere or contend with anything that can induce stress, senseless spending, time management or rushing and I still have the entire rest of the day all to myself. Inspired by this experience I begin to write and here I am.
“Definitely Hoodwinked!”
Single hood is totally under rated. Answer to the question proposed earlier is, in my opinion, “hoodwinked”! We, as single people, for some retarded reason do not appreciate the glorious schedule we have arranged for ourselves in our lives. We just don’t celebrate it enough, if at all! And we should! My life summed up in three words—rent, lease, cellular. Draw whatever conclusions you will about those words, but frankly I don’t care that I’m not building equity in my property or getting tax breaks because I rent. I don’t care that I lease a car because I can afford to lease a nicer car then buy one out right. I don’t have a LAN line with an answering machine attached to it because I don’t want to be endlessly solicited by credit card companies or retired civil servants looking for donations. I have designed my life to be mobile, transferable, unencumbered in this way. I appreciate the unknown of what’s to come in the next few days or weeks because I have no agenda, no schedule and no responsibilities other then the ones I have to myself.
Now, I’m not saying that I don’t desire the domestic life, I do, but I just don’t see the necessity in subscribing to the idea that single life sucks. Indeed there are some single folks out there that do not desire the relationship world, but in a bar at the end of the night who is left standing? The unmarried, the divorced and the segment of our beloved demographic who want to get married. I don’t know the statistics on this one, but as a general rule, the fewest left standing are the married couples. A) Because they are too wasted to stand or B) Because they have left early to get something to eat. You know, pulling an all nighter at the bar is just not necessary for them anymore because they are not looking. They can stay home, watch a movie, have sex and go to bed.
We know this because we’ve all been there. We, as singles, have wandered out of our habitat and engaged in couplehood and we know that it can be satisfying, but just the same have its’ drawbacks too. Let’s face it, if couplehood was all that it is cracked up to be, we would still be there.
“Inspiration”
It’s such a fallacy and we literally become disillusioned by our own state of consciousness and feel hopeless, helpless and minimized. So, what do we do? We turn to internet dating, speed dating, date-opalooza and ridiculous mediums by which our own peers have devised for us to meet other single people rather then just leaving it to fate. We have become impatient with fate and dissatisfied with excitement of the unknown. Let’s, for a moment, remember that life changes on a dime, throws us a curve and shakes us up on a very regular basis. It IS the rollercoaster of life (lame metaphor I know), but it’s free and we all get to ride it and experience all the beautiful possibilities for love, sex, marriage, money and Blotto. We as humans are, by design, programmed to do this? So why do we do it?
Whether we are inspired by the journey and that drives us to our destination or inspired by the destination that drives us through the journey, it is still simply just that—inspiration. Whatever it is we desire, need not freak out, we’ll get there soon. I leave you with this. Jerry Garcia wrote the music for only one song out of pure inspiration—Terrapin Station. Hunter wrote the lyrics and they speak for themselves.
Counting stars by candlelightall are dim but one is bright:the spiral light of Venusrising first and shining best,From the northwest cornerof a brand-new crescent moon crickets and cicadas singa rare and different tune
Terrapin Station the shadow of the moon Terrapin Station and I know we'll be there soon
Terrapin - I can't figure outTerrapin - if it's an end or the beginningTerrapin - but the train's got its brakes onand the whistle is screaming: TERRAPIN
2 comments:
Welcome back Cat. Missed you and bravo on another great post. Any post with a referrence to Hank the Tank gets a thumbs up from me.
As a married guy I once let slip out in a conversation with a group of people, including my wife, that I would be just as happy single, living in a small apartment working the night shift at a small radio station making just enough for food and beer. You can guess the outcome. Yes not good. I really meant that statement but I love my life (as married guy) now and love my wife and love our kids. I guess I am a little AC and a little DC on this one.
Nice work! Right on the mark,
and a great Dead tune.
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