The Fever...

“Initech”

So I work in a corporate environment, one that is—how do you say? Intense? A lot of working moms and uptight corporate types, but I’ve learned to adapt. The other day my colleagues and I were talking about the children’s show Doogal, and John Stewart plays a voice in the upcoming film. I overheard some countertypes discussing the movie and asking “Who is John Stewart?” and I thought to myself “You’ve got to be kidding me.” I replied “You know, John Stewart, from the Daily Show?” and they responded “Nope, never heard of him.” and that’s when I realized I really do work in the Twilight Zone. So I struggle day to day to preserve my coolness without being condescending or insulting and yet still relate to these people. A delicate balance I strive to maintain everyday.

So it’s my turn to pick the movie of the month for our monthly “movie night” and I’m contemplating Big Moma’s House Pt 2, Hostel and King Kong. I’m thinking they’ll probably vote for King Kong, even though I like to keep’em guessing with my selections. You never know, I might be able at some point to wrangle them into a $3 show at the Ogden 6 featuring “Harold and Kumar go to White Castle”. A girl can scheme, I mean dream.

“It’s so passé…thank God”

In the office on the same day, we got to talking about trends of the past like women smoking cigars ie. Demi Moore, faux leopard print coats and the dreaded lesbian show. Keep in mind that these are mostly married people who like to live vicariously through the lives of single people even though they have no idea what in hell you’re talking about. So of course, I had to explain because most of them have been married for like 10 years.

The lesbian show—so you remember when predominantly heterosexual girls from the suburbs would make out with other predominantly heterosexual girls in a bar to make a scene, draw attention and ideally turn guys on? An act I consider retarded and desperate, but none the less effective as I’ve witnessed when trying to pick up a random guy right before last call. Again, these were mostly hetero girls because let’s face it, if they were REAL lesbians, they wouldn’t be hot. Anyway, these girls dabbled in lesbian activities like a drunk with sobriety or a VP at a Jimmy Buffet concert—friggen amateurs. Hetero hotties engaged in amateur lesbian acts after too many lemon drop shots. A totally fucked up trend, I think, and one that blurred the line between gay and straight, as if there wasn’t enough of that already going around, but to really dissect it and understand that some guys sincerely bought into it was for me and my girlfriends—pure entertainment value. Probably the same guys that go to a strip club and after a couple of gin and tonics, think to themselves, “Yea, this chick is really into me”. Regardless, a trend I am relieved is no longer in style, even though I’m sure still happens, bottom line, its so passé. Like there should be a big, black bar across the faces of girls that still engage in this shit, it’s right up there with stretch pants, same category, it’s that bad. Latest Glamour issue: “Girls spotted at local bars still working the lesbian thing”.

Now, I think what is in, is to really BE gay or really BE straight. Take pride in your sexual orientation and stop screwin around with people or at least leave it to the professionals. I mean really girls, if you’re still pulling the lesbian card at last call, you should be getting paid for impersonating a lesbian, don’t you think? Even better get a job at Coyote Ugly and step it up to a lap dance, but stop with lesbian crap already.

A-N-Y-W-A-Y, I digress in my ranting editorial about fake lesbians. Needless to say my counterparts, with mouths agape, and staring at me as if in a trance had no freaken idea what I was talking about…but I think they liked it.

“I’ve gone wild before, but I never let anyone film it.”

So of course the conversation progressed to Girls Gone Wild and I got to thinking, “I’ve gone wild before, but I never let anyone film it.” So it’s ok to go wild right but have these girls thought about life after Girls Gone Wild? Do they girls realize that they may have peaked when they let some shady, coke head/aspiring film director, video tape them taking a shower together? Like have they contemplated that perhaps this is good as it will probably get for them? And when they mature to that “I wanna get married” age, “have kids” and do the trophy wife bit or the stay at home mom thing, will they still be talking about the “Girls Gone Wild” days or will they deny it? Deny it just like the time they made out the Cadillac Ranch after a five lemon drops to pick up a couple of cowboys?

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m certainly not a prude…I mean c’mon, you don’t know me, but to know me is to know I’m not a dick, but I just don’t get the Girls Gone Wild thing. I personally think it’s a lot sexier and more likely to have done something like that, but rather then play the tape, tell the story as you remember it with opportunity to embellish or omit certain accounts. You were probably shnockered when you did it, so same thing. It just takes all the imagination out of it I think, the DVD, and it’s repetitive, and eventually bores you right into masturbation, which you would have done anyway and for free without spending $19.99 for the box set.

I don’t know, as woman who’s been know to go wild on occasion but without the lasting footage to remind me of the stupidity, I’m glad didn’t lose it on my last spring break trip to Cancun. Otherwise I would just be another girl “gone wild” back in the 90’s or 2004 with a massive hangover and decent tits.

I’ll agree that Girls Gone Wild is quality entertainment, for like 10 minutes, but really who am I to critique the lives and choices of girls who participate in the production? They’re young, hot and wasted—right on. Anyway, I have to admit that my counterparts got a kick out of my philosophical spill and I was pleasantly surprised that they actually knew what I was talking about. Girls Gone Wild has crossed over into mainstream America where even working moms know what it is. Why is that I wonder to myself? Who knows, they may be just secretly reminiscing to themselves about the GGW days…that would be cool…but I doubt it.

Cat